Don’t call it a comeback.
No, seriously, don’t. Britney has been here for years.
Ms. Spears’ handlers are trying to frame their product’s sixth album, “Circus” – out Tuesday, not coincidentally Spears’ 27th birthday – as a comeback.
Seems they’re forgetting we spent the last year and a half being flogged with endless attempts to bring Britney back.
First we got the May 2007, six-date House of Blues comeback tour. Then the September 2007 MTV Video Music Awards performance. Then the October 2007 release of Brit’s “Blackout” album. Then a second VMA appearance in 2008.
So why exactly do we need yet another comeback? Because other than a few brief twitters ’round the water cooler and some forgotten downloads of “Gimme More,” nobody’s been paying attention to Spears’ music.
From the 2004 you-may-kiss-the-bride moment of her 55-hour Las Vegas marriage to Jason Allen Alexander, Spears’ career has been one step forward, two reckless-driving lurches backward. Be honest, have you spent more time listening to “Blackout” or gawking at her Trans-Siberian-length train wreck on Perezhilton.com?
Now we get “Circus” – a title evoking, not a wink from Brit, but her handlers’ twisted take on irony. It’d be awesome if Spears had the talent, autonomy and insight to do a metaanalysis of her career a la George Michael’s redemptive “Freedom! ’90.” But there’s nothing that deep on “Circus.” Nor anything that catchy.
It’s hard to reinvent yourself if you never invented yourself in the first place. And Spears’ career has always been about hit singles. (Quick, what’s your second-favorite track off “…Baby One More Time?” Can anyone even name a song off a Brit album that’s not the big hit?)
“Circus” continues the tradition: one solid single, “Womanizer,” an OK follow-up in the title cut, lots of filler, and no unifying theme.
The managers, writers and 15 producers behind “Circus” spent a lot of time and money making it sparkle. Only a few tunes are glaringly bad. But with input from a couple dozen of pop music’s behind-the-scenes heavyweights (Dr. Luke, Max Martin, Nat “Danja” Hills), it’s scattershot. There’s the requisite generic ballad (“Out From Under”), an embarrassing blend of Latin pop and Duffy-style cooing (“Mmm Papi”) and overworked dance numbers with quivering auto-tune (“Kill the Lights,” “Shattered Glass”) – a gimmick that was played out after three spins of Cher’s “Believe.”
When “Circus” stiffs, the Britney brain trust will look to 2009 for another comeback. Expect a bells-and-whistles tour full of hits. Though a summer tour could be a smash, Spears’ days of moving millions of albums are done. Between 1999’s “…Baby One More Time” and “Circus,” her fans have gone from tweens and teens to college kids and adults. They’ve moved on to Amy Winehouse and Feist and, ironically, Brit’s ex-beau Justin Timberlake.
But don’t worry, Britney still has legs (pun intended); there’s always reality TV, Vegas and a 2020 comeback special.
If you haven’t already, download “Womanizer.”
